January 2012
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I actually haven’t felt this bad in such a long time. I’m trying my hardest to at least LOOK happy and ACT happy, but I can’t. There’s probably no use in trying, because if I can’t fool myself, I can’t fool anyone.
The past month has caught up, I guess. This year has sucked so bad so far - I’ve hated it and, ashamedly, cried over it. Last night especially...
I actually had an awesome day today.
But then my mum rang me up, yelling in my fucking ear for my whole Drama class to hear about how I was “10 minutes late”.
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I think I must have done something wrong, or I must have said something wrong, or perhaps I may have even been born wrong, because I feel like that at home.
Y’know, I never asked to be different from my parents. It’s not my fault that they are so bloody emotionally retarded. They don’t even fucking know me. I’m more like a thing, rather than a person. Instead of being...
December 2011
4 posts
I’m going to put all of the shit stuff I’ve experienced in the past months behind me, and make a big effort to enjoy Christmas this year. Last year’s Christmas sucked because I let myself get caught up in all of my problems. That stuff, and those people, can wait until after Christmas and in the New Year. Somethings need to just be left alone for a while, anyway, until...
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I genuinely believe that no one gives a fuck about me anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for anyone. So I may as well give up trying now.
FML. I wish I could go back and relive the last 4 or 5 days. They were so awesome. London was amazing and then I had two and a half days home alone with my sister, which meant I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to. Like watch Downton Abbey and go on Tumblr without anyone barging in my room.
But my parents came back like an hour ago (with my brother) and now I feel like CRAP. I actually feel...
November 2011
6 posts
Genuinely don’t know how I’m related to my parents. So glad none of their ideologies on sexuality, sexism and appearance have rubbed off on me. I’d be disgusted with myself if I shared their opinions. I refuse to respect these people when they refuse to respect anyone else. I really do not like who they choose to be. I’m old enough now to know what’s right and...
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Um.
So my Mum just asked me whether my twin and I would want to go to the same university.
Realisation has literally just slapped me right in the face and it really hurts. I’m not going to be with her forever, am I?
Y’all are probably like, “who cares, she’s just a sister”. She’s so much more than that. She’s one of my best friends too - she probably knows...
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On the first day of college they told all of us that we’d feel stressed at least once over the course of the two years. I haven’t stopped being stressed since the first week - it’s weaving itself into other crap that I don’t want to think about and now I think I’m depressed. I get barely any sleep, I can’t stay happy for more than five minutes and I cry at...
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I love Media so much. It’s the only lesson that I always enjoy going to (I love English loads too, but not quite as much). My teachers are awesome, the work is hard but awesome and the stuff we learn interests me. Yeah, even the crap about institutions interests me - everyone else loathes that side to the subject. Oh, and I love the theories part too.
I don’t even know why I felt...
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Hello Cold World thoughts
So it seems like I’ve been waiting forever for this song and my wait was FINALLY over today. I was so eager because Paramore means so much to me and EVERY.SINGLE.SONG they have ever written/performed means something personally to me - I can relate to every song; no lie. I depend on the emotional connection I have with each song because they manage to open me up and understand myself better...
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I was so happy yesterday and Wednesday, and I was happy today too, until I got home. Nothing’s happened as such though, so it might (I REALLY hope) just be a one off.
But the majority of the time nowadays prepare for a metaphor that will blow thy mind I feel like my life is just one big treadmill that keeps on getting faster and faster. I can’t keep up with the change at all. I...
October 2011
13 posts
6 tags
I don't get it at all
They ask, I tell them. They immediately say no.
Apparently “newspapers are going out of fashion”. Well, apparently you’ve never heard of online newspapers and the articles written on there.
They also said that it’s “too difficult to get a job within journalism”. I’m sorry? I have thought about this so much. The course at the uni I want to go to almost...
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Their exact words
Mum: Claire, tell your dad what you want to be when you're older.
Me: A journalist.
Dad: Well I don't approve and I won't be supporting you.
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I have no idea what my emotions are even doing. They’re like my computer, guys. I want them to do one thing, but they protest and do another.
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I’ve been in a ridiculously upset and generally bad mood for a while now, because of many reasons which I won’t go into now. And for once, instead of keeping it bottled up, I decided to approach my mum yesterday and talk about it because I knew she could tell I wasn’t happy. So I told her that I was upset because she didn’t care about my life, or how stressed I am, or...
I've met some amazing people on Tumblr.
kunishirou:
lightonthegrid asked: You have a new account!! :D
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tumblrbot asked: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?
So, yup
Couldn’t stand not being able to express my feelings on my other blog. So here’s a new one.
I HATE EVERYTHIIIIIIIING! My life, all of my work for college, my job, my family, my handwriting, myself, EVERYTHINNNGG.
You have no idea how long I have been wanting to write that down.
I wish I didn’t have to make a new account, but having to monitor what I’m posting in my...